


No two hearts so open

by boopboop



Series: The Man on the Bridge [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cuddling, Kissing, M/M, Past Torture, Past Violence, Stockholm Syndrome, the calm before the storm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 05:03:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5954599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boopboop/pseuds/boopboop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Steve doesn’t get it. This, for example. He doesn’t get this. Or rather, he doesn’t get how he can have <i>this</i>. He knows enough of Bucky’s trauma to know that sharing a bed with him isn’t something he has ever expected to do. And like this, with Bucky pressed against his chest and Steve’s arms wrapped so tightly around him…he can hardly believe they can have this, together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No two hearts so open

**Author's Note:**

> The calm before the storm, and a much overdue moment of sweet cuddles and tenderness. Which I think we all need after the all-consuming agony of the latest trailer. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy, and if you need pre-emptive hugs for the next story, [come find me on tumblr](http://boopboopbi.tumblr.com) and we can pet puppies together.

Sometimes Steve doesn’t get it. This, for example. He doesn’t get this. Or rather, he doesn’t get how he can _have_ this. He knows enough of Bucky’s trauma to know that sharing a bed with him isn’t something he has ever expected to do. And like this, with Bucky pressed against his chest and Steve’s arms wrapped so tightly around him…he can hardly believe they can have this, together.

He knows, intellectually, that Bucky sleeps better this way. Held tight. Secure. _Restrained._ It’s how he slept for so long in cryo. It’s just one of many things that have crept into their lives that Steve has feared might cripple them but doesn’t. Like the cold. Like touch.

Bucky can’t stand being cold during the day. He’ll wrap himself up in layer after layer until he is twice as bulky and there’s enough fabric wrapped around him to stop a bullet. But at night, when he sleeps, he needs the cold. So they turn down the heating and Bucky sheds all of his clothes and Steve gives off a lot of heat naturally but the compromise sticks, and he gets to wrap himself around Bucky every night and feel the warmth and the weight of him in his arms and know that this thing he never thought he could have is something that is actually helping.

Most of the time at least.

Bucky lets out a soft huff of air and stirs in Steve’s arms. His breathing and heartbeat have been so relaxed and slow that Steve thinks him to be asleep. Apparently not. “I can hear you thinking,” he says.

“No, you can’t,” Steve replies, biting back the apology that claws its way up his throat.

“I can. You think really loud.”

His hair is still long, but it is brushed out and as soft as silk against Steve’s cheek when he nuzzles against the back of his neck. “Do not,” he says. “Go to sleep.”

“You go to sleep,” Bucky says, absently tracing his fingers across the back of Steve’s wrists.

“I’m not the guy who’s going to be shooting things tomorrow,” Steve points out. He holds Bucky tighter at the idea. Bucky is capable. He’s a force of nature in the field. He’s proven time and time again that he can take care of himself - and others- in a fight. But. But Steve worries. It seems like that is all he’s hardwired to do when it comes to Bucky. Worry, and love.

Bucky presses back at the tightening of Steve’s arms. It’s a deliberate move to both provide comfort where Steve needs it and prove that he’s not frightened or been triggered in the process. “No,” he says, “you’re the guy meeting Bruce’s semi-father in law.” Steve sighs at the mention of General Ross and Bucky wiggles himself around. Steve immediately loosens his grip, but lets his arm hang over Bucky’s waist until they are face to face. Then he presses it against Bucky’s back and delights in the feel of all that warm skin. “Is that what’s getting to you? Ross?” He lifts his hand and draws it gently down the side of Steve’s cheek. “You could just not go. You don’t owe them anything.”

They’ve had this discussion before. He’s not going to labour the point of obligation to a man who has been used and brutalized by authorities for decades. “I know, I just…”

He’s never had to explain himself to Bucky. Even now, he can see Bucky understands him. He might not like it. He might disagree strongly enough to give Steve hell about it when morning comes. But he understands. It’s that, maybe more than anything else, that Steve has missed. Bucky is the one constant star in his universe. Unwavering and solid, even when everything else is falling apart. Steve only wishes he could provide even half as much security for Bucky as Bucky does does for him.

“I just think you want me to have to deal with Stark on my own,” Bucky says, the barest hint of a smile curling the corners of his mouth. Bucky doesn’t smile like he used to, not with his whole being, his face luminous and open, but sometimes there is this. A smile that lives only in his eyes and in the faintest shadow he can summon. It’s beautiful, regardless. He’s beautiful.

Steve wants desperately to lift his hand and run it through Bucky’s hair. He won’t. That’s one thing they can’t have. Not like this, anyway. If Bucky is upset sometimes he allows it. But that was Lukin’s. His way of soothing and manipulating Bucky when he was at his most vulnerable. Now he can’t stand to have people play with his hair and as much as Steve wants to feel the silk of it run through his fingers when they kiss, he will never ask for more than Bucky wants to give him. He already has so much.

“Stark or Ross?” He muses playfully. “I’m not sure that’s really much of a choice.”

“I’ll tell him you said that,” Bucky says. He and Tony have the strangest friendship Steve has ever witnessed, but it is one built on genuine trust. Steve is glad of it. “You’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Something to look forward to, then,” Steve smiles, his thumb rubbing circles into the bare skin of Bucky’s back. “I’ll come with you, if you want me to.” He has to offer it like that, knowing that Bucky will say no. He can’t really win. He won’t say it in a way that suggests he is telling Bucky what to do.

“It’ll be boring,” Bucky says. “You’ll have more fun with Ross.”

“I doubt it,” Steve snorts.

“Vision thinks the site is abandoned, anyway. It’s more a clean-up job than anything else. Make sure there is nothing there people shouldn’t stumble across.” Things to do with the Winter Soldier. Artefacts of his imprisonment and torture. That’s mostly what the sweeps Bucky does are about. Sure, there are often items that are too dangerous to be left abandoned, but the person most likely to be hurt by the things they find is Bucky.

Steve should be going with him. He’s never broken down in the field, not like he did in England and Lukin got to him, but there is always a first time for everything. This could be the day that they find something that triggers him too badly for even his tremendous will to contain. Steve should be with him, just in case. “We’ll be back in time to pick up take out.”

The Bucky kisses him, leaning in that extra breath of a space until their lips can touch and Steve forgets everything that has ever worried him.

This is something else he can’t believe they can have.

They haven’t progressed any further than this. Maybe they never will. It’s enough. It’s more than enough. As a younger man he’d fantasized of more. Of Bucky beneath him, riding him, inside him and around him. Of the sounds he might make when Steve made him come. Of the look on his face after. All the kind of things he thought he was wrong to want. He knows better now. “Just come back safe?” Steve asks – begs.

The smile on Bucky’s face is a real, genuine thing now. A faded reminder of what was once lost made all the more precious for its return. “I’ll always come back to you,” he says, heartfelt and earnest. Then his smile grows. “Someone’s gotta keep your stupid in line.”

And that’s his Bucky. That honest kindness laced with a teasing sting. He kisses Steve again, letting Steve take the lead this time as their mouths move together in a rhythm that feels as natural as breathing. “Besides,” he says breathlessly as they separate, “it’s an easy job. Nothing’s gonna happen.”

“Well that’s jinxed it,” Steve grumbles, pressing his face into Bucky’s shoulder as he turns around and settles back down to sleep. He feels the rumble of Bucky’s silent laughter roll through the muscles in his back.

“Go to sleep, punk,” he whispers. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”


End file.
